I just finished reading a series called “Women at Work” on the Wall Street Journal, which outlines successful women at the top of the management ladder (mostly in India). The one common theme all of them highlight is how women face that crucial stage in life, when they need to make a choice between their career and family. And going by the numbers, most of them choose the latter, opting to drop out of the workforce. This is the roadblock that most talk of overcoming for meaningful professional success. Sheryl Sandberg talks about this in her brilliant book “Lean in” too. [I was nodding my agreement for every page I turned, I think; so attuned is she in the problems women may face during or outside of the workplace]
But what about the women who do not have the even basic support from their family, let alone a career. I have a supporting family who instilled independence and the feeling that having a career is important too. I was always very… lost… for want of a better word. Career-wise, I never could answer the question of where I would be in the coming 5 years. My reasoning was: Why can’t I keep doing what I am doing, which is making me happy? When I get frustrated doing it, I will move on to something else. When will that happen? I don’t really know. I always needed to be pushed to study, to participate… Thankfully, that has not spilled over to my work life. Although my hubby seems to think I can do much more than I currently have achieved. My parents were always clear that both their daughters needed to be well-educated and independent, pushing us to excel in whatever we took up. Later on, we could take a call what we wanted to do. That support was extended after I got married too, with my husband more insistent than ever for me to follow a career that makes me happy and recognises my talent. That is part of your identity, he says. I think in a future time, he will be the one who pushes me to choose my career when I am at the crucial crossroad mentioned before. He will become the rock on my professional decisions, while I am sure to waiver.
This, at a time I am hearing of people forbidding their wives to work and do housework… Surprisingly, and contrary to popular belief, such people are not in India, but in a foreign country, clipping the wings of their better halves, not allowing them even a smatter of respect or choice. Some of my highly educated and very well-employed friends today are facing unachievable expectations from their families-in-law who force household chores and social responsibilities on their already overburdened daughters-in-law. This can become a headache and frustrate a professional woman thoroughly if they are to face it day in and day out.
If you are a male, whether in India or abroad, do yourself a favour and let your partner or your sister or your daughter or your mother make their own choice. Be encouraging, even if they ultimately choose to manage the household. There is no complicated task in the world compared to that, trust me. Because no matter how independent we get, no matter how mature and modern we are, we WILL need your support. Because you are an important part of our lives and you will be our biggest enabler. We may go on to achieve something without your support, but the joy will be lesser, the spoils not as enjoyable as they would have been, had you been alongside us.
To all the females out there struggling to notch an achievement against all odds, know that your efforts will pay off. And when you achieve what you have set out for, you will inspire others and receive the appreciation that, in your darkest hours, you thought would always elude you. And finally for those like me, who have all the support in the world, make a choice that makes you happy. For when you are happy, you repay others who know, support and love you, and rejoice in your achievements.
But what about the women who do not have the even basic support from their family, let alone a career. I have a supporting family who instilled independence and the feeling that having a career is important too. I was always very… lost… for want of a better word. Career-wise, I never could answer the question of where I would be in the coming 5 years. My reasoning was: Why can’t I keep doing what I am doing, which is making me happy? When I get frustrated doing it, I will move on to something else. When will that happen? I don’t really know. I always needed to be pushed to study, to participate… Thankfully, that has not spilled over to my work life. Although my hubby seems to think I can do much more than I currently have achieved. My parents were always clear that both their daughters needed to be well-educated and independent, pushing us to excel in whatever we took up. Later on, we could take a call what we wanted to do. That support was extended after I got married too, with my husband more insistent than ever for me to follow a career that makes me happy and recognises my talent. That is part of your identity, he says. I think in a future time, he will be the one who pushes me to choose my career when I am at the crucial crossroad mentioned before. He will become the rock on my professional decisions, while I am sure to waiver.
This, at a time I am hearing of people forbidding their wives to work and do housework… Surprisingly, and contrary to popular belief, such people are not in India, but in a foreign country, clipping the wings of their better halves, not allowing them even a smatter of respect or choice. Some of my highly educated and very well-employed friends today are facing unachievable expectations from their families-in-law who force household chores and social responsibilities on their already overburdened daughters-in-law. This can become a headache and frustrate a professional woman thoroughly if they are to face it day in and day out.
If you are a male, whether in India or abroad, do yourself a favour and let your partner or your sister or your daughter or your mother make their own choice. Be encouraging, even if they ultimately choose to manage the household. There is no complicated task in the world compared to that, trust me. Because no matter how independent we get, no matter how mature and modern we are, we WILL need your support. Because you are an important part of our lives and you will be our biggest enabler. We may go on to achieve something without your support, but the joy will be lesser, the spoils not as enjoyable as they would have been, had you been alongside us.
To all the females out there struggling to notch an achievement against all odds, know that your efforts will pay off. And when you achieve what you have set out for, you will inspire others and receive the appreciation that, in your darkest hours, you thought would always elude you. And finally for those like me, who have all the support in the world, make a choice that makes you happy. For when you are happy, you repay others who know, support and love you, and rejoice in your achievements.
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