Arranging a love marriage or loving an arranged marriage?

I bet one of the thoughts that popped into your head when you read the title was ‘Oh no! Not another love versus arranged marriage discussionnnnn!!!’ The issue of love versus arranged marriage has been discussed and contemplated on time and again, and the point of this post is not to highlight the pros and cons of each. ‘Then what is it?!?!’ I can hear at least some of you screaming in your head. Ok, ok calm down, I am getting to it.

As a 29-year-old Gujarati girl, my world today is full of family, relatives, aunties and aunties who are family relatives coming up to me at random community functions and parties saying ‘So, when are you inviting us to your wedding?’ To which I sweetly reply ‘Everything is all set. You just need to find a groom for me.’ I mean it as a rude, diversion-creating comment that somehow never penetrates the foggy heads having that conversation with me. I mean, am I your responsibility? No. Does my getting hitched mean the world to you? No. Do I even know your name? Err… yes, I think… no, wait… do I? Then why would you bother yourself with such details of my life. But I am again deviating from the point here.

First, let’s get the ‘love’ issue sorted, shall we? Falling in love doesn’t come easy. For all of you who have found your soul mate in school, college, office, party, random coffee house or on the road and think you can bear to be with him/her for the rest of your life, go to the temple/church/mosque/gurudwara/any-other-sacred-place and thank God for his mercy. Cause not everyone is that lucky. And whoever said ‘Love truly and it will come back to you’ is an idiot and should be kicked where it hurts the most. True love is not always returned in the kalyug that we have come to live in, and you know it! Taking the time to know someone, accepting their faults and still loving them is a best-case-scenario if you are looking for a life partner. However, I have not been fortunate enough to be graced with such a person because, you know, God just doesn’t do me such favours in life.

Now for the arranged set-up. After millions of meetings with prospective grooms—ok, it was not THAT huge a number, but felt like it anyways—in a typical Gujju setting, which is awkward to say the least, I have still not found Mr. Perfect. Does that mean there is a dearth of decent guys in the so-called matrimonial market? (FYI, I always cringe when matrimony is used with the word ‘market’) Or does it mean that my choice is so specific that no one fits in my definition of perfect? I believe it’s neither. The environment that I was brought up in and the independence I have achieved in life has a lot to do with my decisions in this area of life. I just haven’t come across a person who makes me say ‘Ok, you are my type… Let’s give it a shot’. Well, someone who agrees with me anyways ;). According to me, the decision making process, which is going to affect the coming 50 years of my life—if I manage to live those many years, that is—depends on a varied number of factors. These factors have changed drastically in the past 20 years.

Factors to consider 20 years ago:

Education: check

Job: check

Family: check

DONE DEAL!!

Factors to consider now:

Education: check

Job: check

Family: check

Income: check

Home: check

Looks: check

Religion: check

Caste: check

Background: check

City he lives in: check

Upbringing: check

Nature: check

Whether in joint family: check

32 teeth in his mouth: check

Manglik factor that can kill me: awww… you JUST missed the cut!

Ok. I might have made up the last couple of them.

The jokers who do make the cut turn out to be just that: JOKERS! But the point is, you just have to be sure about ‘the one’. Till now I have not been sure about anyone. Nor do I know the exact process of ensuring that I reach that stage. I am just taking it as it comes. If any of you know how to spot/search for/zoom in on the perfect person, let me know and I will bow to your significant knowledge. If you waste my time with useless ideas, however, you will be suitably punished.

Here’s hoping that all of us clueless souls out here meet our so-called soulmates painlessly and in time. We can then give them pain for not meeting us sooner…

PS - For stomach-crunchingly hilarious stories involving the aforementioned jokers, contact the under-signed.

PPS - This was written quite some months ago. For those who do not know, I have found my Mr. Perfect now, and am paining his happiness suitably, thank you very much :)