Are you thankful for everything you have?

Over the past couple of weeks, there has been a restlessness within me… Nothing overwhelming, mind you, but something which you feel simmering in the background… It has been accompanied by flashes of memories and people, mostly all good. And today it struck me suddenly – it is a feeling of nostalgia… Nostalgia of some of the times that were, be it the carefree days of school, spent with close friends or simply the time at home spent with my sister and parents when we were young. Nostalgia about the people who are no longer in life, be it strong friendships that were simply washed away by time or people who were taken away by it… Nostalgia about the good memories created in the past, and wishing those times would’ve lasted a little longer, or we would have realised that they were lifetime memories while they were happening.

Today, it came to a full circle with a book that I finished straight through 4-5 hours on my lazy Saturday at home. The book is called Somewhere Inside, and is written by two sisters, Laura and Lisa Ling. It is a story of Laura’s capture in North Korea during her attempt to make a documentary and Lisa’s attempts to bring her back home, which she successfully did in a five-month-long distressing period. Underlining the storyline throughout is the strong bond of the sisters and the love that the family and her husband have for Laura. The book is written in the voices of the two sisters, drawing you into what they were going through in those five months. But what struck me most was the hopeless oppression that is depicted in the background, which people take in their stride as a way of life. (The fact that she was freed was no secret when I started reading the book, and has received quite a bit of media coverage.)

At the end of the book, like I always do, I sat for a good five minutes, to think about how finishing it made me feel, and what I took away from it. And just like that, a feeling of deep thankfulness came over me. Thankfulness that I was born in this country and not that one. Thankfulness that I come from a loving family, which has not allowed anything but a stable, boring upbringing, unlike the terror that surrounded the sisters’ growing years due to their parents’ volatile relationship. 

Thankfulness that I have always been surrounded by love; from my parents, my sister (well, we felt like sworn enemies while growing up, but now, we are all lovey-dovey :P), my close friends, and even people with me right now at work. Above everything in my life, I am thankful to the powers that be for giving me a life partner who loves / respects / protects me, and makes life easy and happy. Getting a partner who makes you an equal and bears with you for a lifetime is like winning a lottery, which I am appreciating more with time, and am increasingly grateful for. (Maybe I am going a bit coocku with age… But bearing me is no easy task as you know, so the credit has to be given to him ;))

And for all the nostalgia that surrounds me, I am thankful for all the experiences, memories and people that have enriched my life, whether they are in it right now or not, whether in a good way or bad. (After all, where would all the stories come from, if all of them were good? :P)

So here I am, at 1 am at night, sending out a thank you to the Gods that be. Thank you for making me born to these parents, in this country, with all the freedom, food, travel, people, experiences, friendships, health et al to enjoy. My life would have been radically different, had it begun with even one of these different.

And you should be thankful too. If you have food to eat and a home to go to at the end of the day, you are already ahead of millions of people all over the world (or so I am told). If you have loving relationships around you, icing on the cake. Got memories, good and bad from the past? Add a cherry to your cake. And if you have freedom – to choose, vote, breathe, walk, travel, work, write, express, befriend, learn, dress, party, drink, eat, love – you are the most privileged amongst all. If you have all of this and can’t appreciate it, give me a call, and I can come punch you in the face… Maybe something loose will click in place in your head so you can see clearly. Cause hey, you could have been born in North Korea!

Have you found your definition of happiness yet?

Six months... The longest that I have not written since I started this blog... Wonder if that is a good or bad thing... Before you go off wondering whether I was profoundly busy or travelling or cooking, don't! Cause I was not at all busy, let alone doing all those things... It was probably more like profound laziness. However, a trigger and some vellapan at office has made me finally start one post.

The trigger was a TED talk I recently came across about how to stay passionate by a 71-year-old charming and beautiful woman. She had various ways of explaining the main topic of the talk: meditation, letting go of stuff, love, drama, acceptance of life's situations, erotic fantasies about Antonio Banderas (well, she was 71, so I figure he was the one to fantasise about, in her time...) But then she went on and said something that really got me thinking. She said she has passed the age of retirement, so she has paid her dues in life and now it is her chance - to do what she wants, to stay happy and attain fulfillment. She felt, at this stage in life, she does not really have to care about what people say or think of her - her own happiness is all that matters. (Here it is, if you want to see it)

My only contention with her view is, do we really have to wait till we are retired and free of all responsibilities to have 'our time'? What if I do not reach the age of retirement? (God forbid and touch wood, but still!) Her statement made me wonder: what if I am waiting for a time that will never come in my life? Where then, will my chance to have the time of my life, do what I want to, be happy and attain fulfillment, go, I ask?

In the past year, somehow, I am increasingly drawn towards analysing what I want to do with my life. I am increasingly resenting the fact that I spend most of my time travelling to work and sitting in an office - tasks I am beginning to think are straining my already limited time in this world. Somehow, I feel this is not what I want to do. However, it really is the way of the world, isn't it? What justification could be there to leave a well-paying job in a good company, when you do not have any earth-shattering ambition of doing something spectacular; when there is nothing but a vague feeling at the back of your muddled brain that I PROBABLY want to do something else, but am not exactly sure what that is.

I love this piece written by Zosia Mamet (I seriously didn't know who she was until a friend sent across this article to me). It talks about the pressures the concept of feminism has put on women, when it is actually supposed to do just the opposite. If a woman let's go of a lucrative opportunity just to do something close to her heart, she should be considered no less successful, is her main point. However, the piece didn't appeal to me merely due to the streak of feminism and the whole 'Lean in/Don't Lean in' discussion. What I like is that she stresses on how you need to define what it is that makes you successful (hopefully bringing happiness along with it). It may be having a baby or taking care of your husband or starting a small business... I don't even think this needs to be restricted to a woman by the way - if you are a guy and want to do the same, more power to you! (although for the baby part, you may need some help from your wife :P) And even if you have left a Vice President level job to do so, it does not matter as long as that is what you want to do and makes you happy.

I am starting to believe strongly that being happy, doing the things you love and being with the people who matter the most should be my highest priority, cause who knows what the future has in store for me? However, I feel like I am not being able to take any steps towards it for now. I am still looking for my definition of success and happiness - it seems to be just out of my grasp right now. I need to ponder over what it is that I want to do first... The action and decisions to make it happen will come later.

Hmmm... I should probably start gardening or baking - maybe epiphany will strike then?

A historical politics that promises to change your life

The tension is palpable… The discussions, endless… Opinions are united… And the people seem to have finally spoken…

I am not talking about an exciting novel that has a thrilling, un-put-down-able theme running to the last page. Nor is it an India-Pakistan match that runs to the last ball for the result. Just now, the political scenario in India is the un-put-down-able theme running in the blood of Indians – at least the 66% that came out to vote anyway! You will know if you are in India right now. If you are not, you have missed something historical.

I am the last person in the world to discuss politics – those of you who know me, probably are aware of the fact that I ignore all things political. No matter that it is necessary to have an overall awareness of what is happening in my country, I have always found politics a very dirty and abhorring business – something that I have no wish to waste my time discussing. But this year, the general election has captured the interest and intrigue of a political political-dumbass like me too. My skepticism was finally overcome by the urge to cast my single vote, which is so often dismissed as unimportant. I actually took a day off to go home and vote, egged on by the picture of a close election, with my single vote making the difference between a strong government and a hung session. (Yeah right, dumbass!)

Tomorrow is the D-day – the day when the votes are going to be counted and results declared. Although the results seem to be known to everyone–anyone reading the newspapers or watching even five minutes of any news channel knows that the NDA government is going to come in power–with a minor caveat that a minor miscalculation can mean an exact opposite result. There is a countdown on, down to the second we will finally know! And even I am surprised that I will be sitting on the edge of my seat, literally, even when I am going to be in a less-than-lively monthly review meeting at office, checking and rechecking the news to see what the final verdict is.

So what is different this time? Why this sudden interest in changing things, making them better, in an Indian populace, which always has seemingly had a ‘hota hai, chalta hai’ attitude? Maybe it is the high interest rate-fiscal deficit-crime rate-joblessness-dooming economy that finally pushed Indians to TRY to do something about it.

For me, personally, the tipping point came with the Nirbhaya case. That was a time when I would have been ashamed to tell people I was from India, if I was travelling abroad. That was the time when I had this uncomfortable twist in the pit of my stomach for a month, just thinking about what that girl went through. That was the only time in my life when I wondered whether this was the kind of country I wanted to spend my precious, probably last-in-the-seven-re-births life in.

That is not to say that the happening of the incidence was anything to do with the government. What reflected poorly on the ruling party was the sheer lethargy and reluctance of the very agencies that are supposed to protect Indians… In a rarest of the rare case… In the capital of the world’s largest democracy… Action was taken only once the people took it in their own hands, staging demonstrations and giving bad PR for the government in power.

Maybe I am taking a VERY narrow-minded perspective in rejecting this government; after all, it has done SOME things that are working for us in the past ten years (hopefully!). And it is always easier to criticise that to constructively analyse, isn’t it? However, as a free Indian citizen, this is my perspective, my way of life and my opinion. This is what affects me more than anything else, what changes my world and how I feel about my surroundings. And I think it is the same inner consciousness, which has driven the smartphone-wielding, always online, Facebook-obsessed Gen Z to actually vote! Oh, the horror of it, had it been suggested 2-3 years ago! “Maiiiiinnn? Aur Vote? Mere vote se kya farak padta hai? Get lost, my friend-who-I-am-trying-to-make-my-girlfriend is pinging me…”

Maybe I was too young to notice the buzz in the last few general elections… Maybe the times were better then. But today, when we are about to make history, so to say, I am glad that I have been part of it. I am glad that I have woken up enough to at least discuss, if not act, and be aware, if not an active part of the politics that is a reality of the country.

Hope the results bring in change, whether in the form of a new government or in the form of a shaken-up old one. The enthusiasm I have seen in peers around me is certainly unprecedented. Let’s see if the result is as unprecedented.

Come on India, Dikha do.

Want to make the most of this precious life? You should probably do this

If you ask any Mumbaikar about an ideal life according to them, they would probably start off with an open and comfortable home, where they can live at ease with their family. Unlike what is the general perception, they would be happy with a moderate pay, albeit it meets all their daily requirements and financial commitments. Their job would be around 9 hours, with the office located a 15-minute drive away. When they come home, they would probably relax with a hot cup of coffee and a favourite book; maybe they will even go for a walk with their respective better halves and children. At the end of their day, they will sit together and narrate their day's experiences to the ones closest to them and go off to sleep, content with their lives and prepped for a similar day coming up.

That's the rosiest picture for most people who live in this mega city. And let me tell you, most would happily exchange their current routines for this sort of life. Because people living here have the EXACT OPPOSITE of everything that they aspire for. Homes are cramped; travel is more than 3 hours a day for most; money is never enough; office hours are never-ending; and most of all, there is NO time! Not for a family dinner, not for a book and certainly not for a leisurely stroll in a park. 

I may be wrong about this. But I am increasingly coming across people who are so busy in becoming financially secure and provide for their loved ones that the very life that they are trying to create passes them by. They are unable to spend time with the family that they are slogging away for. They barely have the energy to spend the money they are accumulating. And they are so involved in their daily struggle that the importance of relationships, love, joy, leisure is completely diminished.

And I am afraid that I will become one of them too. Afraid that one fine day, I will wake up and realise that I am well past the prime of my life, alienated or out of touch with my most beloved friends and family members due to the lack of time and attention. And without them, what is life anyway? With this fear, has also come a fierce determination. I will NOT let life pass me by, thinking that I will have time to enjoy with my husband later, that I will spend my money when I have enough, and that I will visit that place I have always wanted to see next year. I will grab every opportunity of doing what I want, how I want, with whom I want. Since the beginning of this year, somehow this realisation has dawned on me.

If you too are stuck in a similar situation, no matter in what part of the world, remember that the change in the situation needs to come from YOU! One small step at a time will do. But ensure that you make the most of NOW! Spend time with loved ones. Show them how much they mean to you. Create special memories with them. Spend your money as you like it (it truly gives you sense of freedom and more satisfaction than at the thought of having saved for your later years) And most of all, make the most of this precious life. You never know... The future that you spend so much time planning for, may be RIGHT NOW!

This is a resolution you really need to make

The new year brought with it the promise of a brighter future ahead for me. However, the end of last year and the beginning of this one also brought home the realisation that some treasured people in my life are not going to be there with me in the coming years. At least physically, that is. The death of two very near and dear ones in that period also reminded me of my beloved Anna, who I always remember on a Sunday, thinking of how she would have said my name in that typical bright, loving way she used to. Losing loved ones and the thought of missing them in the future has brought about a profound 'aha' moment for me in the past few month... About what is really important in life. About what I would remember when I would be closing my eyes for the last time. It's not money; it's not home; it's not a perfect figure or flawless skin, nor is it that promotion that is long overdue. It's none of the things that we constantly seem to be striving for in life but never achieving. It is ONLY the love of your most beloved people. These may not only consist of family (God knows that the meaning of the word has changed completely from what it was originally supposed to mean) The people who love you unconditionally, respect you, would do anything for you and for whom you would do the same - those are the people you need to treasure. That is the wealth we all need to be working towards in our life. And that, in my 'aha' moment, is what I realised I wish for on my death bed.

Having closely witnessed death in its totality and observing the sheer desolation it leaves the family in, I KNOW that when I go, I want to be surrounded by the people I truely love, and who in turn, adore me. They may not be hundreds of mourners at my funeral; I will be content with three or four people who will genuinely be disconsolate at losing me. These will be the people who will remember the good times we had and the memories we made in the time we spent together. Just like I do with Anna. And just like I know the two recently departed souls are experiencing from up there.

I know thinking about the end of life is not an ideal way to begin the year. But this is not in the sad, depressed or macabre association that is always made with death. This my friend, is a realisation that will make me treasure, love and be happy with the things and people who really matter in my life. It will make me let go of the small things that bother and stress me out. It will, ultimately, result in a better me, trying to live my life in the most meaningful way... That way, when this human life ends, I will not regret squandering this precious time of mine on useless issues or people. Maybe this can double as my new year resolution.

So to all of you that this blog reaches out to, I say this: show your most valuable people how much they mean to you... If you are hesitating in telling someone how much you love them, throw caution to the wind; in the end, you may regret NOT expressing yourself rather that the other way around. But beyond everything, spend your precious moments in this world with the people who matter - those whom you genuinely love and care for - and whatever activity it is that makes you the happiest. That is the only way you will make the most of this great gift of human life you have been endowed with.

Do you find newspapers and television off-putting?

Have you gone through any Indian newspaper recently? Recently, after a long time, I had the leisure of sitting down with a hot cup of coffee, thinking that I will pore over the day’s newspaper, leaving no piece unread like I usually do on a working day, when I am rushed. I should have felt well-read and up to date after the exercise, right? Wrong! The reading experience left me disturbed and gloomy right in the beginning of the day. The paper was full of depressing news items: rapes of minor girls and women by people who knew them, including friends, fathers and current/previous boyfriends; murders committed by minors; kidnappings carried out by teenagers to fund their affinity for gadgets, and much more. Even the most enthusiastic news reader would be scandalised when such items carried on to the national, international and sports sections: scams by politicians, match fixing charges and, more recently, Sachin Tendulkar’s imminent retirement.

I don’t know about you, but I sure do not like to know that this is the kind of world I live in. When I was in school (when reading the newspaper was a supervised action, especially on Sundays and holidays) I remember reading inspiring stories of achievement, whether corporate or personal; a column called ‘The Speaking Tree’ which talked about spirituality; OPEDs that gave insights into great minds. But above all, I remember feeling motivated and knowledgeable after going through the day’s newspaper. I don’t think that I am going to miss anything if I read a newspaper only once a month in today’s day. It will be the same old crime-reporting kind of pieces that I went through in the newspaper.

What is apparent more than anything else is that the focus is more on the gory, gossip-oriented negative happenings all around the city. The Delhi rape case and the more recent Mahalaxmi mill case has galvanised reporters all over to file stories on similar topics. As a result, I went through an entire page of atrocities suffered by women by fathers, husbands, boyfriends and friends. Television programmes and news channels are no better. There are reality shows that get the message across too literally for my comfort. And don’t even get me started on news channels that are running purely because of their loud anchors, who are always yelling into the camera and questioning a group of people in the hopes of unearthing another scam.

These cases and discussions, no doubt, raise awareness levels and sometimes even go a long way in pressurising the authorities to punish the ones responsible. Women have also pre-empted attempts in some cases by being aware of their surroundings and fighting back. However, such coverage also has another side. It got me wondering: if I had a 6-year-old daughter, would I be comfortable letting her go through the newspaper unsupervised, like my mother did? Would I restrict her TV hours, at best sitting with her to watch programmes? Wouldn’t I wonder whether such information is adding to her knowledge in any way? And most importantly, should I encourage her to look at all males in the manner that is being relayed across all media mediums today? By placing any restrictions based on my personal opinions, would I be marring her perception before she developed it on her own? Or would I be empowering her to be more aware and defensive about her surroundings?

The most I am worried about, is that such reports and readings will bring across men as a whole to a demeaning sleazy level. Because all that one reads about these days is corrupt politicians, random criminals or rapists. The regular males in our lives – the ones that open doors, love their children, are caring husbands and doting sons – never get written about anymore. They are all restricted to romantic novels and blogs that have a far lesser reach compared to newspapers. I guess they are not as newsworthy and have become quite boring.

I would rather that my children read the Calvin and Hobbes series at one go. I want them to grow up with movies like ‘Chalti ka naam gaadi’ or ‘Wake up Sid’ or ‘Chak De India’ or ‘One Fine Day’, in which men are shown as wholesome, loving and caring beings. I would have them remember that there are men who respect women, have supported their wives throughout their marriage, helped with the children, pitched in at home, and above all, deeply cared for their better/equal halves. The case studies being conducted on the lives of successful women in the Indian corporate sector deserve no small mention of the males who have supported and contributed to their growth. I am reminded at this point, of the many doting husbands I have seen waiting outside crowded (and crazy!) women’s trial rooms and giving their honest opinions (to their detriment or otherwise, I do not know ;)). I remember that my father was always a protector rather than a critic whenever we were in trouble. And I know that my husband supports me in everything I believe in, no matter how stupid it may seem. These are the men I would like my daughter to know and my son to emulate.

As usual, I think I went a little off track from where I had started. But this is my chain of thought. I doubt that we can block out these mediums completely. But can we at least focus on the positives and dwell on the goodness in everyone? If you want to go through a very well-written piece I recently read in the New York Times, you can read it here. These are the kinds of pieces that should be peppering our newspapers and reflecting on our television channels at least to some extent, if not completely. What do you think?

Cinema for the cinematography called life

You know that movie you love? The one that you don’t mind watching a zillion times? The one that you have a strange connect with? Wake up Sid was that movie for me. The movie was special for me for various reasons. I am a writer who came to Mumbai looking for a good opportunity. Professionally, it was a break from a monotonous routine at a place where the learning had stopped. Personally, I wanted to live independently and explore a new city with friends. The love story of my life was also intertwined with this experience. He was stationed at Mumbai. Whenever I would come to Mumbai, he was the one who showed me around, much the same way Sid did for Ayesha in Wake up Sid. Marine Drive, Juhu chowpati, Prithvi theatre, Churchgate-Colaba, Haji Ali are the areas that my now husband took me to. He was awesome with the camera, just like Sid. We even have the exact SAME pictures like in the movie – the feet one and me on Marine Drive. (Come to think of it, maybe I should claim copyright for the script; it seems to be based on our life :P) The flavour of Mumbai would not have been the same without those hangouts. Not would our association have blossomed into a meaningful relationship without that time spent together.

I watched Wake up Sid again recently, and was reminded of that period. I was happy, carefree, looking forward to something new, interested in someone awesome, always had a smile on my face. Not that I am not all those things now, although the smile may have become a little less frequent, what with the monotony that work life in Mumbai brings. It reminds me that relationships are important. They help you get through a life which, without friends, family and love, would be bland and meaningless. After all, my childhood would have been much less fun without my mad cap gang; I would have turned out to be a useless professional had it not been for my mom pestering me to study and work hard; I know I would have remained in the same job I was in for some time, had not my friends and hubby encouraged me to come to Mumbai and look for better opportunities; I KNOW I would have been single and miserable had I not taken the step to move here. Above all, I would not have changed or evolved as a person, like I have now, on meeting so many new people, settling down in life (so to say) by getting married to that awesome person and becoming the independent and confident  version of myself that I am currently.

What I would definitely recommend to all four of you who are reading this blog (hi maa :P) is this: watch your favourite movie once every 2-3 months. Remember why you love it. Relive the memories it conjures for you. Share them with loved ones. Get in the happy state it automatically puts you in. Not only will you smile more, like I am doing currently, but it will also remind you of the good things in life – the ones that make it all worth it. It will add just the zing you need in your days, weeks and months.

Women at work, and all that goes behind it

I just finished reading a series called “Women at Work” on the Wall Street Journal, which outlines successful women at the top of the management ladder (mostly in India). The one common theme all of them highlight is how women face that crucial stage in life, when they need to make a choice between their career and family. And going by the numbers, most of them choose the latter, opting to drop out of the workforce. This is the roadblock that most talk of overcoming for meaningful professional success. Sheryl Sandberg talks about this in her brilliant book “Lean in” too. [I was nodding my agreement for every page I turned, I think; so attuned is she in the problems women may face during or outside of the workplace]

But what about the women who do not have the even basic support from their family, let alone a career. I have a supporting family who instilled independence and the feeling that having a career is important too. I was always very… lost… for want of a better word. Career-wise, I never could answer the question of where I would be in the coming 5 years. My reasoning was: Why can’t I keep doing what I am doing, which is making me happy? When I get frustrated doing it, I will move on to something else. When will that happen? I don’t really know. I always needed to be pushed to study, to participate… Thankfully, that has not spilled over to my work life. Although my hubby seems to think I can do much more than I currently have achieved. My parents were always clear that both their daughters needed to be well-educated and independent, pushing us to excel in whatever we took up. Later on, we could take a call what we wanted to do. That support was extended after I got married too, with my husband more insistent than ever for me to follow a career that makes me happy and recognises my talent. That is part of your identity, he says. I think in a future time, he will be the one who pushes me to choose my career when I am at the crucial crossroad mentioned before. He will become the rock on my professional decisions, while I am sure to waiver.

This, at a time I am hearing of people forbidding their wives to work and do housework… Surprisingly, and contrary to popular belief, such people are not in India, but in a foreign country, clipping the wings of their better halves, not allowing them even a smatter of respect or choice. Some of my highly educated and very well-employed friends today are facing unachievable expectations from their families-in-law who force household chores and social responsibilities on their already overburdened daughters-in-law. This can become a headache and frustrate a professional woman thoroughly if they are to face it day in and day out.

If you are a male, whether in India or abroad, do yourself a favour and let your partner or your sister or your daughter or your mother make their own choice. Be encouraging, even if they ultimately choose to manage the household. There is no complicated task in the world compared to that, trust me. Because no matter how independent we get, no matter how mature and modern we are, we WILL need your support. Because you are an important part of our lives and you will be our biggest enabler. We may go on to achieve something without your support, but the joy will be lesser, the spoils not as enjoyable as they would have been, had you been alongside us.

To all the females out there struggling to notch an achievement against all odds, know that your efforts will pay off. And when you achieve what you have set out for, you will inspire others and receive the appreciation that, in your darkest hours, you thought would always elude you. And finally for those like me, who have all the support in the world, make a choice that makes you happy. For when you are happy, you repay others who know, support and love you, and rejoice in your achievements.

Want to be someone else? Think again!

I have always longed to be that perfect someone else... That long-legged elegant woman with the hour-glass figure I saw at the airport... Or that curly-haired girl with the enviable complexion who crossed the road while I was waiting at the signal... I would even have exchanged lives with that yesteryear’s model who has a killer fashion sense... I always had this image while growing up that these were the markings of a perfect life, one that would be satisfactory no matter what. But some random happenings in the past few months have made me realise that my life is perfect as it is... I am perfect as I am... (Well, apart from the laziness, which I haven’t managed to find a cure for yet)

This tendency reminds me of an advertisement in which a chain of people aspire for what others had. It starts with a young guy staring with awe when a rich bald guy passes by in an impressive car; the rich guy buys his wife a diamond necklace, which a wife passing by the display looks at envyingly; this cycle of envy goes on, involving different people, and ultimately ends with the rich guy admiring the young guy’s curly crop of hair. You can check out the ad here.

Just goes to show how people want what others have. But you cannot have just that one trait that you admire, can you? You need to imagine living THAT life. What if the tall woman at the airport was a harried professional facing office politics? What if the girl with the perfect complexion had family problems? And did a keen sense of fashion help the model deal with an abusive boyfriend?

I think most of us, including me, tend to look at the superficial picture, admiring one trait and wishing we could have that and live that person’s life. But we do not go deeper, we do not get that our life is so much better when you take the whole picture into consideration. God may have been stingy when She determined how tall I would be, but She certainly endowed me with a family that makes me feel on top of the world. I may not have the skin tone to die for, but I am a confident, outgoing personality who can chatter away for hours on any given topic... (Except engineering, medicine, biology and the likes... ugh!) And even though I prefer comfort over trend and choose the same old drab colours and styles, my hubby loves and appreciates me, making me feel awesome whatever I am wearing... (Ask me why, and I would be stumped too!)

What I mean to highlight throughout the long ramble above is: nothing is perfect... When you compare your life with someone else, consider the ugly side of the story too. While the youngster envies the businessman with the awesome car, the former would give up his car in an instant if he would be able to run a hand through his curly hair instead of looking at his bald reflection everyday. There will always be something you don’t have, some trait you aspire for, some event you are awaiting in life. However, rather than wishing you were in a different life, admire your own life for what you have NOW. Because you know what? Someone, somewhere is wishing they could be in your situation, have what you have, and BE YOU! Realise this, and you will be able to make peace with what you have. I am about to, and I am sure I am going to be happy and content in every aspect of life from now on.

Of beauty, and the beast that lies within

“Love thy neighbour as you would love yourself” is how the saying goes. But apparently, we love our neighbours more than we love ourselves. A new campaign by Dove has made it quite apparent that women in general view themselves more critically than others. Asked to describe their facial features to a sketch artist who had not seen them, each highlighted the flaws in their features predominantly (and I am guessing, subconsciously). When others described the women, they gave positive details about the same features the women themselves disliked. The resultant two sketches, although of the same woman, were radically different, with the one developed with the help of other people’s description turning out prettier and more beautiful.

I have always had this perception of beauty, so to say. I would try to define which features others would find pretty or which kind of looks would be described as beautiful by most. Time and again, I have irritated my husband until he snapped back at me that I am wrong, there is no concept like a universally beautiful person... Everyone is beautiful in their own way... And I would be like “Yeah, right!” I have had this thing with beauty... Figuring that coloured eyes, fair skin, awesome figure and a smile that would kill makes a girl beautiful. I mean Aishwarya Rai would turn heads if she walked down the road, wouldn’t she? However, I have often had trouble getting people to agree with me. Some of them have the audacity to say Mrs Rai Bachchan is not that pretty (including, I suspect, that hubby of mine!)

But that campaign from Dove touched a cord in my heart, which I think has happened with women all over the world, from the looks of how viral it has gone. It has shown me that people notice and remember the good over the bad. They will probably not remember that your eyebrows were skewed, but will notice that the colour of your eyes was light brown, and your eyes lit up the moment you talked about your passion.

I remember sometimes pestering my hubby over how dark I was, secretly wishing for his reassurance that I was okay. Every few weeks, I keep asking him to explain why, out of a million others, he selected me to spend his life, exasperating him. But I guess it comes from a deep rooted perception of beauty I have had. Rating myself on the features I described above brought my score to zero most of the times.

However, this campaign has made me realise that I am beautiful in my own way, and that the perception I had was horribly wrong and distorted. I should probably see myself as my husband sees me; as my mother describes me to others; as my father remembers me always; as my child will see me in the coming future.

Maybe now I can accept compliments with grace rather than brush them away as exaggerations like I always do. Maybe I can believe my better half when he says that I am looking awesomely pretty (invariably when I am having a good hair day, but shhhhhh!) And most importantly, maybe I will be able to focus on the better aspects of my features than the ones I dislike.

Here’s a toast to all the beautiful women out there, each and every one of them. May you discover your beauty and slay the beast within that prevents you from doing so. And may you find people that remind you that you are beautiful every day of your life J

PS – Click here for the video if you haven’t seen it yet.

Of innocence and the loss of it…

I read this somewhere recently: “People are terrible things. Put enough of them together and havoc will be wreaked” Until recently, I would have vehemently defended the fact that there are good people, good always wins over bad, people get what they deserve et al. I have spent a considerable time arguing with my better half, who insists that most people on this earth are morons, who will screw you over every time they get a chance, and that you are supposed to protect yourself from the dark underbelly of humanity that they form. I had this belief that people usually pay for what actions they take on this earth; they cannot leave without receiving the suitable punishment for evil they have perpetrated during their lifetime. I used to imagine different scenarios for all the rascals out there: getting disabled in accidents, suffering a long bed-ridden life before eventually dying with no one at their side, etc. etc…

However, recent phenomena have changed my belief. I know a lot has been written about the horrific Delhi rape and murder case, so wont be going into too much detail. My purpose is not to provide graphic details to an incident, which I cannot even imagine happening with anyone remotely connected to me. My purpose is to decry the happenings of today, and mourn what some of our species are capable of.

Hearing the details of what happened to that girl in 40 minutes—I keep imagining what I was doing in that time… probably some mundane activity like having dinner, watching TV or just messing around with my sister—is more than horrifying… If just hearing the gruesome details makes our stomachs turn, what would the poor girl have gone through? And more importantly, if the people who perpetrated the crime were lower middle class people, similar to people who work in our homes, guard them, drive us around and do chores, who is to differentiate the monsters from the good people?

That is not to say that such people come from a particular class. In the weeks after the rape and eventual death of the extraordinarily courageous girl, the newspapers were full of similar cases all around the country. Maybe such incidents were going on since quite some time; however, the national outcry that resulted post this particularly vicious act encouraged the media to highlight the going ons all around the country. The only difference was, the rapists in these cases were like you and me, people from educated backgrounds, rich kids in their teens or early twenties who thought nothing of raping their object of affection and strangling/putting them on fire/deploying any other horrific way of killing. The media’s tendency to highlight such incidents was so predictable that I thought twice before picking up the morning paper in fear of what new detail I would come across.

The incident has destroyed something for me, maybe for all of us. With many children today asking what ‘rape’ means, our coming generation may be losing the innocence that is so precious in defining their childhood. With mothers warning their toddlers not to go with any unknown ‘uncle’ and fathers holding on to their precious ones more tightly, I do not see the child’s innocence returning too soon. I have also lost faith in my belief that people pay for their acts in their current lives. The girl who died did not deserve to die like that. And the ones who did that to her cannot have a cruel enough death to pay for what they did.

Hopefully, there is a God up there who is watching… Observing what Her creations are turning out to be… And frantically thinking of what to do to stop these atrocities. Because if She isn’t, well… I can’t even say “God help us all!”

To my precious dadi...

In a game of cards, she used to surreptously ask me which card I required, and promptly give it away so I could at least salvage the game, if not win it; it didn’t matter to her if she lost the game due to that one card. If I knew that was the last time I would play with her, I would have kissed her then and there for being so generous.

She would always cook the same vegetable for me (tindola or ivy gourd), not because her expertise lay in that, but because I insisted on it… if I knew that it was the last time I was having it, I would have memorised the taste and learnt how to imitate it in the closest possible way… I don’t think I would have achieved the same taste, cause only she could cook it that way.

She awaited my wedding for years… If I would have known that I would see her standing and talking to people for the last time at my wedding, I would have hugged her tight and spent hours talking to her, telling her how much I loved and appreciated her…

She looked forward to festivities eagerly, as it was the only time all her family came under one roof at her place… If I would have known last year was the last Diwali I would celebrate with her in her conscious state, I would have savoured my time with her.

She called every Sunday unfailingly. If I would have know it was the last time I would be able to hear my name in her voice when she last called, I would have chatted with her for hours.

But as we know, God just doesn’t give us such chances. So now, all I can do is remember the taste, smell, voice and picture of my dadi laughing, talking, being happy cooking for us, and hope that I had conveyed to her how much I love her.

To my Anna...

Here's to all the dadis out there, with their twinkling eyes, toothless smiles, fabulous food and unconditional love... Without you, there would have been no one to pamper us rotten!

And here's to my Anna, who did all these things for me and more... I wish I had been able to do more, love more, call more than I did... I hope you enjoyed the wedding of your eldest grandchild, for which you were waiting for God knows when. And I know that you have given more than you ever received to everyone around you.

You are and will always be my Anna... My dadi with angelic loving eyes and deeds... I love you... Now and always :)

The marriage diaries

You know that one event that changes your life for better or for worse? If you can’t guess it from the title itself… Well… Then no points for you.

Marriage can be one of the scariest experiences of a girl’s life. And the reasons for that are not at all in lines with the one that guys have… Loss of freedom… to ogle or party.. without permission. (FYI, My hubby has the permission to ogle at anyone, cause I know at the end of the day he’s coming back to me! But as usual, I digress from the point.)

For girls, the prospect of getting married can get overwhelming. Going into a new home and adjusting with a whole new family can be daunting, to say the least. And in case it is an arranged marriage, her husband is one more person she doesn’t know and has to adjust with! In short, it can be quite a nightmare.

They say girls dream of their marriage day since they are seven or eight years old. I could never relate to that. For one, at eight, I was still learning to comb my hair or cut a simple salad! I had more real life, practical problems to take care of than dreaming of a day I didn’t even understand at that point. I mean have you SEEN the multiplication tables we were given in the second standard?!?

However, when the thought did enter my mind-many, many years after I turned eight-it shook me up real bad. What do you mean I need to leave my home and family and stay with another one?!? Why can’t the boy come live with us?!? Mom had to work really hard to knock the concept into my brain. And when I finally realised that she was actually serious, it left me with an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Which never really went away, even when I got older.

The thought of spending the rest of my life with a virtual stranger and his family started giving me nightmares. And the fact that I had to go through the whole arranged marriage rigamarole, that too, in a Gujju setup, didn’t assuage my doubts one bit!

However, on 25th February, 2012, all my fears turned out to be unfounded as I married the love of my life and soulmate. Previously, I used to worry about how I would cope with the adjustment; but looking into Kshitij’s eyes when I married him banished all the fear. Before, I wondered how on earth I was going to manage so much responsibility; but the way he smiled at me while taking the vows reassured me that it was going to be an equal partnership. My major concern was whether my thought process would match with the person I was supposed to spend my life with; Kshitij is like my mirror image: he thinks of the same things even before I can articulate the idea to him.

Even the marriage turned out to be perfect. The day was beautiful; all the guests were well-behaved; the decoration was done well; everything was on time; the food was amazing; my make-up was just right. But above all, it FELT right! It FELT like the union of two lives and families. It FELT like a marriage!

I never thought it would be this perfect. But then I realised, it was not related to the venue or the people or the complications related to hosting such a huge event. All that took care of itself. It was the happiness of knowing that everything was going to be all right. That the change that was happening was going to be a good one. I was going to share my life with someone I loved and trusted immensely, and someone who loved and respected me in return. It was going to be a happy partnership, unlike all the nightmares I had conjured up in so many years! And the realisation took a weight off my shoulders that shouldn’t have been there in the first place.

My marriage was perfect… Because my partner is perfect… And my life from now on is going to be… just perfect!

In the ‘name’ of sanity

Think of the funniest names you have ever come across in your life. Got it? Now list them down on a piece of paper. Done? Now besides those, list the following names, which you, as a parent, should NEVER ever consider for your child…

Sunshine and Sunrise

If you are wondering whether they are related, let me tell you that they are. If you are wishing, for the sake of humanity, that these are names given to females, let me tell you that they are not: these are names of twin brothers. And if God had not had mercy on all of us by stopping right there, I would imagine another sibling would have been named Sunset!

Perception

Not a very perceptive name, must say. If you love the word so much, you should probably use it to understand the situation your daughter will be in after she realises that you have given her this name.

Immaculate

I am not kidding, this is actually the name of a person! The parents of whoever is given this unfortunate name need to be checked for OCD. Imagine the irony if Immaculate turns out to the untidiest person on earth! :D

Virgin

I would probably have just one word for the parents of this girl: WHY?!? You do realise that your child will not be able to explain the meaning of her name anyone under the age of 21, right?

Conception

Parents who thought of this one should probably be whiplashed. If we are allowed to whip people, that is. If we are not, we can take em to Iran and complete the task. The daughter would certainly agree, I am sure!

Pinkesh

I am not making this one up, I swear I HAVE come across a Pinkesh, who was a friend of an acquaintance of a friend of a… Never mind. The point is, your son would thank you for choosing to fill in ‘Unnamed’ or ‘Unknown’ on the birth certificate rather than naming him Pinkesh. Gujarati parents may do well to take special note of this one.

Pinkal

A ‘brother’, for the lack of a better word, to the previous name, Pinkal is an equally bad name that a guy can never carry off, even if he develops a demi-god body like Hrithik Roshan’s.

Prithviraj

Combine this with a surname like Chauhan, and I kid you not, your child will not get a life partner in the 21st century without changing his name! My neighbour’s son, who has this surname, JUST managed to avoid getting this name, the lucky dog!

Charmy

This may just scrape through if it is a girl. However, if you name your son Charmy, you may be the one held responsible if he is ultimately stoned at school.

Adolf

Really? This name might have been taken out of even baby name books, and you want to name your kid this? Seriously folks, please have mercy on your kid!

I know a name is not what defines your child’s personality, but it does help him or her in case of lack of the same… On paper anyways… All said and done, make this choice with care. After all, your child needs to live with it for the rest of his or her life… Or at least till they are old enough to change it!

That special song :)

Have you ever imagined yourself sitting near the window sill of your perfect home, on an amazing evening, relaxing in the arms of your soulmate, at ease, comfortable, and humming your favourite tune of all times? The song should bring back memories and make you want to curl up and go to sleep, a slight smile on your lips. With the hectic schedules we have all come to accept as a way of life, I would think that you have only dreamt of it. I haven’t really gotten around actually relaxing that way, due to the technical problem of not having a perfect home (not considering my Baroda home, obviously), and another non-technical problem of not having a relaxing enough atmosphere in Mumbai.

But when you do get around to it, do you know the tune you will be humming? I do. And I am sharing it here with you, taking the risk of boring you to hell. (What the heck, i reason, it's my blog after all ;))

This song, Iktara, is from one of my favourite movies, Wake up Sid. Both the song and the movie have a special connection in my life, which is another long story altogether. Words do not do justice to the song, as there is the melody, the strings and the soulful voice of the singer Kavitha Seth to consider.

This is my tribute to my soulmate, as this is ‘our’ song :)

O re manva tu to bawra hai,
Tu hi jaane tu kya sochta hai,
Tu hi jaane tu kya sochta hai bawre,
Kyun dikhaye, sapne tu, sotey jaagtey…

Jo barse sapne boond boond,
Naino ko moond moond,
Kaisey main chalun,
Dekh na sakun,
Anjaaney raaste…

Goonja sa hai koi iktara iktara,
Dheeme boley koi iktara iktara,
Goonja sa hai koi iktara iktara…

Sunn rahin hun sudh budh khokey,
Koi main kahaani,
Poori kahaani hai kya, kisey hai pataa…
Main to kisi ki hokey, ye bhi na jaani,
Rut hai ye do pal ki ya, rahegi sadaa,
Kisey hai pataa, kisey hai pataa…

Jo barse sapne boond boond,
Naino ko moond moond,
Kaise main chalun,
Dekh na sakun,
Anjaaney raaste…

Goonja sa hai koi iktara iktara,
Dheeme boley koi iktara iktara,
Goonja sa hai koi iktara iktara…

Oldies smoldies

There is something remarkably fascinating about the elderly, those who are over 65, especially in India. Not only do Indian senior citizens come in all shapes, sizes and colours, they are also distinctly different, based on the culture, upbringing and background they come from. Our world is a more interesting place with the oldies pampering us, giving advice, repeating the stories of their ancestors and how things were while they were growing up. Have you noticed, however, that they have typical characteristics that can be classified distinctly?

The take-me-home-and-look-after-me ones

If there were a competition for this category, my grandmother would be a sure winner. Every time she smiles at me, I am tempted to take her home and use her as a hugsy pillow – which, of course, I refrain from doing! Kind eyes on a wrinkled face, you will feel pampered with merely a look from them. Typically, they love feeding everyone with delectable recipes, which only they can concoct, much to the perplexity of daughter-in-laws and grandchildren. Having unsuccessfully tried my hand at cooking my favourite preparation under her watchful eye with the same vegetables, ingredients and method she uses, I have given up on ever achieving the taste of my grandmother’s cuisine. The unique flavour of her preparations eludes me always. Maybe at the end of the cooking process, she secretly scrunches up her eyes and blows her love on top of the preparation as garnishing. What? Do not judge me as totally nuts, it just may be possible, you know.

The look-at-me-and-I-will-bite-your-head-off ones

The complete opposite of the previous category, this type of crowd consists of the typical irritable elderly you would encounter in a Mumbai local. Ready to pick a fight even if you so much as breathe near them, you are best off leaving them in their miserable state of mind. Say one word, and this frustrated group will leave you spell-bound with a verbal tirade unfit for their age. Senior citizens frustrated with complications like worse halves and finances, and sometimes plain old pessimists form the crux of such a group. If you ever face someone from this category in a boxing ring, concede defeat even before the fight starts, because they WILL tear you apart!

The yes-I-can ones

These are the resolute ones, who insist on living life independently and on their terms. Oldies falling in this category believe that they can handle whatever life throws at them, no matter what. It is this belief that sometimes helps them overcome physical conditions that no medicine in the world can cure. Whereas you and I would have given up years ago, the yes-I-can type of senior citizens fight everything from cancer to arthritis to financial crisis with utmost cheerfulness, emerging victorious most of the time. Hopefully God will endow us with half their strength when we reach their age. Hats off to these oldies I say!

The pesky-nosy-tell-me-everything ones

This category is sort of a mix of the first and second category. While not as rude as the irritable elders and not as cute as the hugsy ones, pesky senior citizens take it upon themselves to find out everything about your life, whether it is their business or not. My neighbour’s grandmother heads this category, faithfully making it a point to inquire with my mother how late I came in last night, who was the ‘boy’ who dropped me home at 11 30 at night and who was making so much noise in a get together at my place. While my neighbour does not, some grandmoms tend to take the sting out of the none-of-my-business-but-I-will-ask-anyways questions with a smile, trying to be cute–unsuccessfully, might I say.

No matter which type you are surrounded by, you have to admit that your life would be dull and incomplete without these grandmoms and grandpops. Here’s to the oldies smoldies that dot our world.

Special bonds

Have you ever had that one special friend you could go to for anything in your life? The one with whom you had an instant bonding like no other. Who you thought was born specifically to support you. To walk you through your lowest periods without losing faith. To give you advice without judging you. Your 3-am friend who was there for you, no matter what. With whom you could laugh, cry, share stories, talk for hours and still be short of time. Who earned your implicit trust and meant more to you than most others you know. Well, you are one of the lucky ones.

If you have a friend like that, do not let misunderstandings and differences gnaw away at your friendship. Once you lose that special bond, no one will ever be able to fill those shoes for you. No one will ever be able to make you feel as safe and secure as that friend did. Even in your most trying and difficult time with him or her, hang on to the relationship. Cause there just won’t be anyone like that person for you in your lifetime.

PS: If you find this post weird, please don’t judge me as crazy, and move on quickly. It’s a thought that popped into my head at a time when I thought I had lost that special person ;)

PPS: That special friend turned out to be my soul mate whom I nearly lost because I didn’t have the courage to act on how I felt. If you have a friend like that, don’t hesitate; the happiness on the other end will make it worth it. :)

Are we really Bindaas?

I know a discussion on the Indian television industry will have most of you lamenting on the many cheesy soaps with tacky names being aired today. Having managed to avoid the hysteria that swept the nation when ‘Mihir’ from ‘Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi’ died—I know it because it’s general knowledge in India; you do not have to be a television enthusiast for it—I have detached myself from daily television shows to the point of ignorance. A discussion regarding the plot of the most popular soap today would have me yawning within minutes of joining the conversation. However, there is a new genre of television shows which makes me want to join the saas-bahu bandwagon gladly.

A channel called Bindass TV has brought out this hateful genre to colour-coded life today. I happened to come across this on one of those rare occasions I was flipping through channels on a weekend at home. The show I came across seemed to be a reality-based one called Emotional Atyachar, with couples taking the so-called ‘loyalty test’ to check whether their partner is faithful or not. The participant is typically someone having trust issues or sometimes simply an incompatible partner. A premonition of something wrong in a very personal relationship makes the participant decide to ‘test’ his or her partner at the risk of total humiliation and heartbreak being witnessed by thousands, if not millions of Indians. There is an elaborate set-up, in which, a 6-year-old relationship may be in tatters at the end of an hour-long show. Wait, so, you are trying to tell the viewers that in 6 years the ‘participant’ didn’t have a clue about her partner’s roving eye and was completely ignorant about the fact that he had absolutely no feelings for her? And all this, the partner discusses with a complete stranger, who, for no apparent reason, comes on to him 10 minutes into a conversation? Yes? Errr… OK! Although I have seen just one episode, I am sure that there has never been a faithful partner who has declared his undying love for his girlfriend or has not been caught cheating in Emotional Atyachar. After all, if there is no ‘atyachar’, how will the TRPs get a boost?

A quick peek at the channel’s website disgusts me even more… “Sell your friends for cash” or “Want a new set of parents?” is the headline that greets visitors on the Bindass television website. It proclaims the channel as ‘India's most loved youth brand’ and boasts that their ‘fundas of Fun, Free, Fearless, Frank and Unexpected have helped capture the imagination of the youth’. I wonder if they have considered capturing our youth’s attention with educational, interactive programs which encourage them to explore, travel and learn something at the end. But again, how will such non-scandalous, simple programs help them earn precious eyeballs which lead to excessive advertising revenue?

The tactlessness of some shows named—pretty offensively, might I add—“Would You Tap That”, “Campus Attack”, “Love Lockup” and “Date Trap” hits you right between your eyes. And in case you didn’t notice, words like ‘tap that’, ‘lockup’, ‘attack’ and ‘trap’ are all negative words alluding to physical aspects which would put even a hardcore optimist off relationships. These are also not words to be ideally associated with human relationships, but who cares about that, right? The popularity of crass shows like Emotional Atyachar among teens today should be worrying us. If I catch my 15-year-old cousin watching this show, he would be grounded for months! That is, if I was allowed to ground him…

My sister and my television time was limited to MTV Bakra, in which Cyrus played harmless pranks on his unsuspecting victims. And while I realise that saying “our television time” makes me sound over 50 years of age, I am talking about a period just 10 years ago, when we were in our mid-teens. MTV was the latest ‘in-thing’, with programs consisting of pranks, funny videos and advice for love problems, all of which were different from the usual soaps dominating the television industry then.

Bindass TV’s popularity may be due to the sheer entertainment it provides. After all, have trouble brewing and most people would be interested in pointing and laughing at the poor sucker suffering on TV. However, for my peace of mind, I would like to believe that emotions like love, respect and affection still exist and have not been turned into physical relations like depicted on those shows. Call me old fashioned, but I like it when someone expresses genuine feelings with a rose or a romantic evening; when one does not have to worry about a hidden camera just waiting to point out the flaws in the relationship; where the so-called better half is not bitching about how the relationship is stifling him; and in case of a break up, it does not become a spectacle with the two people assaulting each other in the middle of the road.

If you haven’t come across these programs, please do not go home and check it out. I do not, in any way, want to be responsible for more people viewing them. I hope this is only a phrase of sleazy entertainment options we are checking out. And I hope it passes sooner rather than later. I do not know how it reflects on us and where we are heading in our personal relationships if such programs form a permanent basis in our lives.

Here’s to emotions as we know it. Here’s wishing we are NOT that BINDAAS.

Arranging a love marriage or loving an arranged marriage?

I bet one of the thoughts that popped into your head when you read the title was ‘Oh no! Not another love versus arranged marriage discussionnnnn!!!’ The issue of love versus arranged marriage has been discussed and contemplated on time and again, and the point of this post is not to highlight the pros and cons of each. ‘Then what is it?!?!’ I can hear at least some of you screaming in your head. Ok, ok calm down, I am getting to it.

As a 29-year-old Gujarati girl, my world today is full of family, relatives, aunties and aunties who are family relatives coming up to me at random community functions and parties saying ‘So, when are you inviting us to your wedding?’ To which I sweetly reply ‘Everything is all set. You just need to find a groom for me.’ I mean it as a rude, diversion-creating comment that somehow never penetrates the foggy heads having that conversation with me. I mean, am I your responsibility? No. Does my getting hitched mean the world to you? No. Do I even know your name? Err… yes, I think… no, wait… do I? Then why would you bother yourself with such details of my life. But I am again deviating from the point here.

First, let’s get the ‘love’ issue sorted, shall we? Falling in love doesn’t come easy. For all of you who have found your soul mate in school, college, office, party, random coffee house or on the road and think you can bear to be with him/her for the rest of your life, go to the temple/church/mosque/gurudwara/any-other-sacred-place and thank God for his mercy. Cause not everyone is that lucky. And whoever said ‘Love truly and it will come back to you’ is an idiot and should be kicked where it hurts the most. True love is not always returned in the kalyug that we have come to live in, and you know it! Taking the time to know someone, accepting their faults and still loving them is a best-case-scenario if you are looking for a life partner. However, I have not been fortunate enough to be graced with such a person because, you know, God just doesn’t do me such favours in life.

Now for the arranged set-up. After millions of meetings with prospective grooms—ok, it was not THAT huge a number, but felt like it anyways—in a typical Gujju setting, which is awkward to say the least, I have still not found Mr. Perfect. Does that mean there is a dearth of decent guys in the so-called matrimonial market? (FYI, I always cringe when matrimony is used with the word ‘market’) Or does it mean that my choice is so specific that no one fits in my definition of perfect? I believe it’s neither. The environment that I was brought up in and the independence I have achieved in life has a lot to do with my decisions in this area of life. I just haven’t come across a person who makes me say ‘Ok, you are my type… Let’s give it a shot’. Well, someone who agrees with me anyways ;). According to me, the decision making process, which is going to affect the coming 50 years of my life—if I manage to live those many years, that is—depends on a varied number of factors. These factors have changed drastically in the past 20 years.

Factors to consider 20 years ago:

Education: check

Job: check

Family: check

DONE DEAL!!

Factors to consider now:

Education: check

Job: check

Family: check

Income: check

Home: check

Looks: check

Religion: check

Caste: check

Background: check

City he lives in: check

Upbringing: check

Nature: check

Whether in joint family: check

32 teeth in his mouth: check

Manglik factor that can kill me: awww… you JUST missed the cut!

Ok. I might have made up the last couple of them.

The jokers who do make the cut turn out to be just that: JOKERS! But the point is, you just have to be sure about ‘the one’. Till now I have not been sure about anyone. Nor do I know the exact process of ensuring that I reach that stage. I am just taking it as it comes. If any of you know how to spot/search for/zoom in on the perfect person, let me know and I will bow to your significant knowledge. If you waste my time with useless ideas, however, you will be suitably punished.

Here’s hoping that all of us clueless souls out here meet our so-called soulmates painlessly and in time. We can then give them pain for not meeting us sooner…

PS - For stomach-crunchingly hilarious stories involving the aforementioned jokers, contact the under-signed.

PPS - This was written quite some months ago. For those who do not know, I have found my Mr. Perfect now, and am paining his happiness suitably, thank you very much :)