Have you found your definition of happiness yet?

Six months... The longest that I have not written since I started this blog... Wonder if that is a good or bad thing... Before you go off wondering whether I was profoundly busy or travelling or cooking, don't! Cause I was not at all busy, let alone doing all those things... It was probably more like profound laziness. However, a trigger and some vellapan at office has made me finally start one post.

The trigger was a TED talk I recently came across about how to stay passionate by a 71-year-old charming and beautiful woman. She had various ways of explaining the main topic of the talk: meditation, letting go of stuff, love, drama, acceptance of life's situations, erotic fantasies about Antonio Banderas (well, she was 71, so I figure he was the one to fantasise about, in her time...) But then she went on and said something that really got me thinking. She said she has passed the age of retirement, so she has paid her dues in life and now it is her chance - to do what she wants, to stay happy and attain fulfillment. She felt, at this stage in life, she does not really have to care about what people say or think of her - her own happiness is all that matters. (Here it is, if you want to see it)

My only contention with her view is, do we really have to wait till we are retired and free of all responsibilities to have 'our time'? What if I do not reach the age of retirement? (God forbid and touch wood, but still!) Her statement made me wonder: what if I am waiting for a time that will never come in my life? Where then, will my chance to have the time of my life, do what I want to, be happy and attain fulfillment, go, I ask?

In the past year, somehow, I am increasingly drawn towards analysing what I want to do with my life. I am increasingly resenting the fact that I spend most of my time travelling to work and sitting in an office - tasks I am beginning to think are straining my already limited time in this world. Somehow, I feel this is not what I want to do. However, it really is the way of the world, isn't it? What justification could be there to leave a well-paying job in a good company, when you do not have any earth-shattering ambition of doing something spectacular; when there is nothing but a vague feeling at the back of your muddled brain that I PROBABLY want to do something else, but am not exactly sure what that is.

I love this piece written by Zosia Mamet (I seriously didn't know who she was until a friend sent across this article to me). It talks about the pressures the concept of feminism has put on women, when it is actually supposed to do just the opposite. If a woman let's go of a lucrative opportunity just to do something close to her heart, she should be considered no less successful, is her main point. However, the piece didn't appeal to me merely due to the streak of feminism and the whole 'Lean in/Don't Lean in' discussion. What I like is that she stresses on how you need to define what it is that makes you successful (hopefully bringing happiness along with it). It may be having a baby or taking care of your husband or starting a small business... I don't even think this needs to be restricted to a woman by the way - if you are a guy and want to do the same, more power to you! (although for the baby part, you may need some help from your wife :P) And even if you have left a Vice President level job to do so, it does not matter as long as that is what you want to do and makes you happy.

I am starting to believe strongly that being happy, doing the things you love and being with the people who matter the most should be my highest priority, cause who knows what the future has in store for me? However, I feel like I am not being able to take any steps towards it for now. I am still looking for my definition of success and happiness - it seems to be just out of my grasp right now. I need to ponder over what it is that I want to do first... The action and decisions to make it happen will come later.

Hmmm... I should probably start gardening or baking - maybe epiphany will strike then?

A historical politics that promises to change your life

The tension is palpable… The discussions, endless… Opinions are united… And the people seem to have finally spoken…

I am not talking about an exciting novel that has a thrilling, un-put-down-able theme running to the last page. Nor is it an India-Pakistan match that runs to the last ball for the result. Just now, the political scenario in India is the un-put-down-able theme running in the blood of Indians – at least the 66% that came out to vote anyway! You will know if you are in India right now. If you are not, you have missed something historical.

I am the last person in the world to discuss politics – those of you who know me, probably are aware of the fact that I ignore all things political. No matter that it is necessary to have an overall awareness of what is happening in my country, I have always found politics a very dirty and abhorring business – something that I have no wish to waste my time discussing. But this year, the general election has captured the interest and intrigue of a political political-dumbass like me too. My skepticism was finally overcome by the urge to cast my single vote, which is so often dismissed as unimportant. I actually took a day off to go home and vote, egged on by the picture of a close election, with my single vote making the difference between a strong government and a hung session. (Yeah right, dumbass!)

Tomorrow is the D-day – the day when the votes are going to be counted and results declared. Although the results seem to be known to everyone–anyone reading the newspapers or watching even five minutes of any news channel knows that the NDA government is going to come in power–with a minor caveat that a minor miscalculation can mean an exact opposite result. There is a countdown on, down to the second we will finally know! And even I am surprised that I will be sitting on the edge of my seat, literally, even when I am going to be in a less-than-lively monthly review meeting at office, checking and rechecking the news to see what the final verdict is.

So what is different this time? Why this sudden interest in changing things, making them better, in an Indian populace, which always has seemingly had a ‘hota hai, chalta hai’ attitude? Maybe it is the high interest rate-fiscal deficit-crime rate-joblessness-dooming economy that finally pushed Indians to TRY to do something about it.

For me, personally, the tipping point came with the Nirbhaya case. That was a time when I would have been ashamed to tell people I was from India, if I was travelling abroad. That was the time when I had this uncomfortable twist in the pit of my stomach for a month, just thinking about what that girl went through. That was the only time in my life when I wondered whether this was the kind of country I wanted to spend my precious, probably last-in-the-seven-re-births life in.

That is not to say that the happening of the incidence was anything to do with the government. What reflected poorly on the ruling party was the sheer lethargy and reluctance of the very agencies that are supposed to protect Indians… In a rarest of the rare case… In the capital of the world’s largest democracy… Action was taken only once the people took it in their own hands, staging demonstrations and giving bad PR for the government in power.

Maybe I am taking a VERY narrow-minded perspective in rejecting this government; after all, it has done SOME things that are working for us in the past ten years (hopefully!). And it is always easier to criticise that to constructively analyse, isn’t it? However, as a free Indian citizen, this is my perspective, my way of life and my opinion. This is what affects me more than anything else, what changes my world and how I feel about my surroundings. And I think it is the same inner consciousness, which has driven the smartphone-wielding, always online, Facebook-obsessed Gen Z to actually vote! Oh, the horror of it, had it been suggested 2-3 years ago! “Maiiiiinnn? Aur Vote? Mere vote se kya farak padta hai? Get lost, my friend-who-I-am-trying-to-make-my-girlfriend is pinging me…”

Maybe I was too young to notice the buzz in the last few general elections… Maybe the times were better then. But today, when we are about to make history, so to say, I am glad that I have been part of it. I am glad that I have woken up enough to at least discuss, if not act, and be aware, if not an active part of the politics that is a reality of the country.

Hope the results bring in change, whether in the form of a new government or in the form of a shaken-up old one. The enthusiasm I have seen in peers around me is certainly unprecedented. Let’s see if the result is as unprecedented.

Come on India, Dikha do.

Want to make the most of this precious life? You should probably do this

If you ask any Mumbaikar about an ideal life according to them, they would probably start off with an open and comfortable home, where they can live at ease with their family. Unlike what is the general perception, they would be happy with a moderate pay, albeit it meets all their daily requirements and financial commitments. Their job would be around 9 hours, with the office located a 15-minute drive away. When they come home, they would probably relax with a hot cup of coffee and a favourite book; maybe they will even go for a walk with their respective better halves and children. At the end of their day, they will sit together and narrate their day's experiences to the ones closest to them and go off to sleep, content with their lives and prepped for a similar day coming up.

That's the rosiest picture for most people who live in this mega city. And let me tell you, most would happily exchange their current routines for this sort of life. Because people living here have the EXACT OPPOSITE of everything that they aspire for. Homes are cramped; travel is more than 3 hours a day for most; money is never enough; office hours are never-ending; and most of all, there is NO time! Not for a family dinner, not for a book and certainly not for a leisurely stroll in a park. 

I may be wrong about this. But I am increasingly coming across people who are so busy in becoming financially secure and provide for their loved ones that the very life that they are trying to create passes them by. They are unable to spend time with the family that they are slogging away for. They barely have the energy to spend the money they are accumulating. And they are so involved in their daily struggle that the importance of relationships, love, joy, leisure is completely diminished.

And I am afraid that I will become one of them too. Afraid that one fine day, I will wake up and realise that I am well past the prime of my life, alienated or out of touch with my most beloved friends and family members due to the lack of time and attention. And without them, what is life anyway? With this fear, has also come a fierce determination. I will NOT let life pass me by, thinking that I will have time to enjoy with my husband later, that I will spend my money when I have enough, and that I will visit that place I have always wanted to see next year. I will grab every opportunity of doing what I want, how I want, with whom I want. Since the beginning of this year, somehow this realisation has dawned on me.

If you too are stuck in a similar situation, no matter in what part of the world, remember that the change in the situation needs to come from YOU! One small step at a time will do. But ensure that you make the most of NOW! Spend time with loved ones. Show them how much they mean to you. Create special memories with them. Spend your money as you like it (it truly gives you sense of freedom and more satisfaction than at the thought of having saved for your later years) And most of all, make the most of this precious life. You never know... The future that you spend so much time planning for, may be RIGHT NOW!

This is a resolution you really need to make

The new year brought with it the promise of a brighter future ahead for me. However, the end of last year and the beginning of this one also brought home the realisation that some treasured people in my life are not going to be there with me in the coming years. At least physically, that is. The death of two very near and dear ones in that period also reminded me of my beloved Anna, who I always remember on a Sunday, thinking of how she would have said my name in that typical bright, loving way she used to. Losing loved ones and the thought of missing them in the future has brought about a profound 'aha' moment for me in the past few month... About what is really important in life. About what I would remember when I would be closing my eyes for the last time. It's not money; it's not home; it's not a perfect figure or flawless skin, nor is it that promotion that is long overdue. It's none of the things that we constantly seem to be striving for in life but never achieving. It is ONLY the love of your most beloved people. These may not only consist of family (God knows that the meaning of the word has changed completely from what it was originally supposed to mean) The people who love you unconditionally, respect you, would do anything for you and for whom you would do the same - those are the people you need to treasure. That is the wealth we all need to be working towards in our life. And that, in my 'aha' moment, is what I realised I wish for on my death bed.

Having closely witnessed death in its totality and observing the sheer desolation it leaves the family in, I KNOW that when I go, I want to be surrounded by the people I truely love, and who in turn, adore me. They may not be hundreds of mourners at my funeral; I will be content with three or four people who will genuinely be disconsolate at losing me. These will be the people who will remember the good times we had and the memories we made in the time we spent together. Just like I do with Anna. And just like I know the two recently departed souls are experiencing from up there.

I know thinking about the end of life is not an ideal way to begin the year. But this is not in the sad, depressed or macabre association that is always made with death. This my friend, is a realisation that will make me treasure, love and be happy with the things and people who really matter in my life. It will make me let go of the small things that bother and stress me out. It will, ultimately, result in a better me, trying to live my life in the most meaningful way... That way, when this human life ends, I will not regret squandering this precious time of mine on useless issues or people. Maybe this can double as my new year resolution.

So to all of you that this blog reaches out to, I say this: show your most valuable people how much they mean to you... If you are hesitating in telling someone how much you love them, throw caution to the wind; in the end, you may regret NOT expressing yourself rather that the other way around. But beyond everything, spend your precious moments in this world with the people who matter - those whom you genuinely love and care for - and whatever activity it is that makes you the happiest. That is the only way you will make the most of this great gift of human life you have been endowed with.