September 23, 2011

Alice in Wonderland

A few months ago, we were asked to contribute an article for our intranet. At that time I was new to Mumbai and still adjusting to the city. I hence chose to write about my experience. And I think it was sheer luck that made it win the best article award. I wanted to share the article with whoever manages to accidentally come across this blog, cause, well, I need to re-affirm whether it is any good. So here it goes.

Unlike Alice, I didn’t accidentally fall into the Wonderland of Mumbai; it was by choice that I moved here from Ahmedabad, accepting a position with Netscribes Mumbai. There is a certain perception of this business capital of India in cities outside of Maharashtra, which makes it look like an exotic land of opportunities. Tales of struggling individuals finding everything ranging from a successful career to money to love are related with great penchant to non-Mumbaikars, which makes the city even more attractive to them. It is with these ideas of non-Mumbaikar that I took my first eager steps here, deciding to find a place of my own and live independently despite having relatives here. You can imagine how easy THAT turned out to be! Having lived in spacious, open places all my life, I was unprepared for the tiny apartments, which were available for paying guest accommodations or rent—some of them smaller than my walk-in wardrobe at home! Rent for the ones that I did like, promised to eat up more than half of my salary, which was not a feasible option. A bout with dengue right after I moved here didn’t help matters much. After struggling for a couple of months, I FINALLY landed an apartment I liked, which I could afford. By this point of time, the stars were, predictably, cleared out of my eyes. I realised that life in Mumbai might not be as easy and perfect as it seemed from afar.

A Mad Tea Party
Not many people realise that there is a score of difference between Mumbaikars and outsiders. Locals have the ability to take the utmost difficult situations in their stride. They live a hectic, paced and organised life day in and day out; hours of travelling to workplaces, financial difficulties, family life, leisure, emotions like angst, happiness and anger are all packed in one tight day. Mumbaikars have this unique ability to handle whatever life throws at them without even realising it. It is this ability, which makes the spirit of Mumbai unbreakable. Perhaps this is the reason behind its resilience in the face of terror attacks and the recent financial pandemonium.

As someone who is used to a leisurely lifestyle—ready-made food, a huge, personal bedroom, ironed clothes, zipping to office on a vehicle and reaching in five minutes flat—I initially found life in Mumbai to be like a mad tea party, with life frantic, overwhelming and disconcerting. I struggled hard to adjust to the pace and energy required for a normal day of work, getting back too drained to do any add-on activities I had planned while moving here. In Mumbai, you barely have time to breath, let alone settle in and spend time for leisure. The most difficult task I found in my first month was travelling in crowded buses or trains. Guess who was pushed to the end of every crowded line and managed only to catch the third bus or train every time she travelled? You guessed it right, it was yours truly.

Nonetheless, friends and family helped me settle in and explore the magic the city is so famous for. The night life of Mumbai made me explore, mouth agape, the grandeur, opulence and luxury present here; on my way back from Taj one night, I rubbed shoulders with none other than… a fisherwoman carrying her smelly, empty basket home J It was a humble reminder of the equality Mumbai brings to its people: a VP of a company, earning lakhs per month most likely takes the same train home as the kachrawala who comes to his home pick up garbageJ

A World of Fantasy
Mumbai comes across as a city which runs like a mammoth machine that never stops. It is only in the wee hours of the morning that this city seems to be resting, when it is calm, peaceful and empty. It is only when you cover a distance of five kilometers in 10 minutes—a task which usually takes you an hour—that you realise the impact of the traffic and crowd on everyday life.
In the three months that I have come to call Mumbai home, I have found beauty as well as ugliness; opulence as well as poverty; love as well as hatred; concern as well as apathy. The people here are fat as well as slim; beautiful as well ugly; beggars as well as millionaires; friendly as well as cold. On bad days, I feel alone in a crowd of thousands, whereas sometimes I am happy just walking on the streets, on my way home.

There are millions like me coming to the city each month to realise a dream. Any dream. And this city gives hope to the millions more who aspire to become someone someday and achieve their goals in life. And unless the MNS aka Raj Thackeray manages to change the spirit of the city, they will keep coming. For whereas there is hardship and struggle, there is also something magnetic about Mumbai that makes it an exciting venture for people like me. So the next time you see someone pushed to the back of the line in a bus or train, you can safely assume that that person has just taken his or her first tentative steps in this world of fantasy.

September 13, 2011

For those who were… and will always be…

If you have ever lost a loved one to death, you will relate to this post. Although a lot may have been discussed, written and opined about the ultimate end of life, I don’t think anything prepares someone for the death of a loved one. The ones who pass on may go on to the next world, but they leave behind this gut-wrenching emptiness that no one can ever fill. When a loved one loses the battle of life, no matter how long or short, it feels as if someone has torn a piece of your soul and you are expected to deal with it as a way of life.

In my 28 years of life, I had just heard, never been through the horrid effect of death. Although I lost my eldest mami to cancer more than 13 years ago, me and my sister were spared of the emotional farewell as we were too young. But all that changed on 13th September 2009. Our beloved jada mama expired. The second of our three maternal uncles, we had come to call him ‘jada’ mama since our childhood due to his cute round shape, which he came to readily accepted despite protests from my mother.

The impact of his passing was a shock to me and Ronak, mainly because we assumed the surgery was simple; one that would relieve him of the health problems he had been having since a few months. Elders in the family may have realised the seriousness of the procedure due to his deteriorating health, but the possibility of losing him forever never registered with me and Ronak. We lost him to complications related to bypass surgery… a usually simple procedure, which I see thousands of others undergo with ease, even today.

Jada mama was easily the most liked and lovable person in all of our extended family. He pampered young ones, be it my mother, his youngest sister, me and Ronak, his youngest nieces or Dhruvi, his first grand-daughter and the apple of his eye. No one was prepared for his passing… but come to think of it, can anyone ever be? In the two years that he has been gone, the flavour has gone out of alphansoes. I just do not get the same taste today like I used to when he ordered baskets and baskets of them for our visits in the summer breaks.

I came across a piece I had written right after his death, when the pain was too raw to comprehend. I don’t know if this is appropriate to share on this forum, but it brings tears to my eyes even today. I post it here in tribute to the loving memory of a family man loved and missed by all… who makes us feel he was there with us just yesterday, even though it is two years today since he left us forever. Jada mama, here’s to you, who once were and always will be… our jada mama :)

My beloved jada mama passed away today. It was totally unexpected… he was supposed to be home within 10 days and move into a new home with his son and grandkids within a week – something he was looking forward to since quite some time. Instead, he spent his last month battling for his life, attached to god knows how many support systems, trying valiantly to live, to be able to finally spend quality time with his beloved grandchildren. In this lone battle, he lost. And left behind a devastated family: two sons who worshipped him, three grandkids who adored him, and foremost, his wife, who, in their 40-something years of marriage, had never left home without him.

His passing has left a hole in our lives, mostly because we were planning on him getting well soon; we didn’t get to tell him how much we loved him… didn’t get to hold him properly… didn’t get to say goodbye. We were totally unprepared… but come to think of it, who is?

There is this fear now, of never being able to see his lively face again… of never hearing his voice begin his Sunday telephone calls with ‘Jai Shree Krishna’… of never hearing his teasing voice tell us that he is waiting on Vadodara station and to come and get him… of walking into that Mumbai home and not finding him awake at 5 in the morning to welcome us… and most of all, never being able to call him Jada mama again.

The last 2-3 times I saw him were the worst moments of my life… Trying to breath through the ventilator… Then only breathing through it, eyes closed forever… And finally in a stretcher, when he was brought home for the last time. Seeing him in that state gave me a stifling feeling, as if I wanted to scream, but was unable to do so. It is constant, all-pervading, unavoidable.

What I KNOW I will always remember about jada mama is that smile of his that was bestowed on everyone around him freely… that twinkle in his eyes when he teased me and Ronak every time we stayed with him in our summer vacations… the love, care, affection he gave us during his lifetime, and I am sure which will continue from up there.

We all know you are in heaven jada mama… We love you, and you will always remain mine and Ronak’s beloved jada mama. You are eternally etched in the hearts of Bittubhai, Anandbhai, Mami, your three grandkids, mom, Ronak and me. Keep sending your love from up there, always.