Are you thankful for everything you have?

Over the past couple of weeks, there has been a restlessness within me… Nothing overwhelming, mind you, but something which you feel simmering in the background… It has been accompanied by flashes of memories and people, mostly all good. And today it struck me suddenly – it is a feeling of nostalgia… Nostalgia of some of the times that were, be it the carefree days of school, spent with close friends or simply the time at home spent with my sister and parents when we were young. Nostalgia about the people who are no longer in life, be it strong friendships that were simply washed away by time or people who were taken away by it… Nostalgia about the good memories created in the past, and wishing those times would’ve lasted a little longer, or we would have realised that they were lifetime memories while they were happening.

Today, it came to a full circle with a book that I finished straight through 4-5 hours on my lazy Saturday at home. The book is called Somewhere Inside, and is written by two sisters, Laura and Lisa Ling. It is a story of Laura’s capture in North Korea during her attempt to make a documentary and Lisa’s attempts to bring her back home, which she successfully did in a five-month-long distressing period. Underlining the storyline throughout is the strong bond of the sisters and the love that the family and her husband have for Laura. The book is written in the voices of the two sisters, drawing you into what they were going through in those five months. But what struck me most was the hopeless oppression that is depicted in the background, which people take in their stride as a way of life. (The fact that she was freed was no secret when I started reading the book, and has received quite a bit of media coverage.)

At the end of the book, like I always do, I sat for a good five minutes, to think about how finishing it made me feel, and what I took away from it. And just like that, a feeling of deep thankfulness came over me. Thankfulness that I was born in this country and not that one. Thankfulness that I come from a loving family, which has not allowed anything but a stable, boring upbringing, unlike the terror that surrounded the sisters’ growing years due to their parents’ volatile relationship. 

Thankfulness that I have always been surrounded by love; from my parents, my sister (well, we felt like sworn enemies while growing up, but now, we are all lovey-dovey :P), my close friends, and even people with me right now at work. Above everything in my life, I am thankful to the powers that be for giving me a life partner who loves / respects / protects me, and makes life easy and happy. Getting a partner who makes you an equal and bears with you for a lifetime is like winning a lottery, which I am appreciating more with time, and am increasingly grateful for. (Maybe I am going a bit coocku with age… But bearing me is no easy task as you know, so the credit has to be given to him ;))

And for all the nostalgia that surrounds me, I am thankful for all the experiences, memories and people that have enriched my life, whether they are in it right now or not, whether in a good way or bad. (After all, where would all the stories come from, if all of them were good? :P)

So here I am, at 1 am at night, sending out a thank you to the Gods that be. Thank you for making me born to these parents, in this country, with all the freedom, food, travel, people, experiences, friendships, health et al to enjoy. My life would have been radically different, had it begun with even one of these different.

And you should be thankful too. If you have food to eat and a home to go to at the end of the day, you are already ahead of millions of people all over the world (or so I am told). If you have loving relationships around you, icing on the cake. Got memories, good and bad from the past? Add a cherry to your cake. And if you have freedom – to choose, vote, breathe, walk, travel, work, write, express, befriend, learn, dress, party, drink, eat, love – you are the most privileged amongst all. If you have all of this and can’t appreciate it, give me a call, and I can come punch you in the face… Maybe something loose will click in place in your head so you can see clearly. Cause hey, you could have been born in North Korea!

Have you found your definition of happiness yet?

Six months... The longest that I have not written since I started this blog... Wonder if that is a good or bad thing... Before you go off wondering whether I was profoundly busy or travelling or cooking, don't! Cause I was not at all busy, let alone doing all those things... It was probably more like profound laziness. However, a trigger and some vellapan at office has made me finally start one post.

The trigger was a TED talk I recently came across about how to stay passionate by a 71-year-old charming and beautiful woman. She had various ways of explaining the main topic of the talk: meditation, letting go of stuff, love, drama, acceptance of life's situations, erotic fantasies about Antonio Banderas (well, she was 71, so I figure he was the one to fantasise about, in her time...) But then she went on and said something that really got me thinking. She said she has passed the age of retirement, so she has paid her dues in life and now it is her chance - to do what she wants, to stay happy and attain fulfillment. She felt, at this stage in life, she does not really have to care about what people say or think of her - her own happiness is all that matters. (Here it is, if you want to see it)

My only contention with her view is, do we really have to wait till we are retired and free of all responsibilities to have 'our time'? What if I do not reach the age of retirement? (God forbid and touch wood, but still!) Her statement made me wonder: what if I am waiting for a time that will never come in my life? Where then, will my chance to have the time of my life, do what I want to, be happy and attain fulfillment, go, I ask?

In the past year, somehow, I am increasingly drawn towards analysing what I want to do with my life. I am increasingly resenting the fact that I spend most of my time travelling to work and sitting in an office - tasks I am beginning to think are straining my already limited time in this world. Somehow, I feel this is not what I want to do. However, it really is the way of the world, isn't it? What justification could be there to leave a well-paying job in a good company, when you do not have any earth-shattering ambition of doing something spectacular; when there is nothing but a vague feeling at the back of your muddled brain that I PROBABLY want to do something else, but am not exactly sure what that is.

I love this piece written by Zosia Mamet (I seriously didn't know who she was until a friend sent across this article to me). It talks about the pressures the concept of feminism has put on women, when it is actually supposed to do just the opposite. If a woman let's go of a lucrative opportunity just to do something close to her heart, she should be considered no less successful, is her main point. However, the piece didn't appeal to me merely due to the streak of feminism and the whole 'Lean in/Don't Lean in' discussion. What I like is that she stresses on how you need to define what it is that makes you successful (hopefully bringing happiness along with it). It may be having a baby or taking care of your husband or starting a small business... I don't even think this needs to be restricted to a woman by the way - if you are a guy and want to do the same, more power to you! (although for the baby part, you may need some help from your wife :P) And even if you have left a Vice President level job to do so, it does not matter as long as that is what you want to do and makes you happy.

I am starting to believe strongly that being happy, doing the things you love and being with the people who matter the most should be my highest priority, cause who knows what the future has in store for me? However, I feel like I am not being able to take any steps towards it for now. I am still looking for my definition of success and happiness - it seems to be just out of my grasp right now. I need to ponder over what it is that I want to do first... The action and decisions to make it happen will come later.

Hmmm... I should probably start gardening or baking - maybe epiphany will strike then?

A historical politics that promises to change your life

The tension is palpable… The discussions, endless… Opinions are united… And the people seem to have finally spoken…

I am not talking about an exciting novel that has a thrilling, un-put-down-able theme running to the last page. Nor is it an India-Pakistan match that runs to the last ball for the result. Just now, the political scenario in India is the un-put-down-able theme running in the blood of Indians – at least the 66% that came out to vote anyway! You will know if you are in India right now. If you are not, you have missed something historical.

I am the last person in the world to discuss politics – those of you who know me, probably are aware of the fact that I ignore all things political. No matter that it is necessary to have an overall awareness of what is happening in my country, I have always found politics a very dirty and abhorring business – something that I have no wish to waste my time discussing. But this year, the general election has captured the interest and intrigue of a political political-dumbass like me too. My skepticism was finally overcome by the urge to cast my single vote, which is so often dismissed as unimportant. I actually took a day off to go home and vote, egged on by the picture of a close election, with my single vote making the difference between a strong government and a hung session. (Yeah right, dumbass!)

Tomorrow is the D-day – the day when the votes are going to be counted and results declared. Although the results seem to be known to everyone–anyone reading the newspapers or watching even five minutes of any news channel knows that the NDA government is going to come in power–with a minor caveat that a minor miscalculation can mean an exact opposite result. There is a countdown on, down to the second we will finally know! And even I am surprised that I will be sitting on the edge of my seat, literally, even when I am going to be in a less-than-lively monthly review meeting at office, checking and rechecking the news to see what the final verdict is.

So what is different this time? Why this sudden interest in changing things, making them better, in an Indian populace, which always has seemingly had a ‘hota hai, chalta hai’ attitude? Maybe it is the high interest rate-fiscal deficit-crime rate-joblessness-dooming economy that finally pushed Indians to TRY to do something about it.

For me, personally, the tipping point came with the Nirbhaya case. That was a time when I would have been ashamed to tell people I was from India, if I was travelling abroad. That was the time when I had this uncomfortable twist in the pit of my stomach for a month, just thinking about what that girl went through. That was the only time in my life when I wondered whether this was the kind of country I wanted to spend my precious, probably last-in-the-seven-re-births life in.

That is not to say that the happening of the incidence was anything to do with the government. What reflected poorly on the ruling party was the sheer lethargy and reluctance of the very agencies that are supposed to protect Indians… In a rarest of the rare case… In the capital of the world’s largest democracy… Action was taken only once the people took it in their own hands, staging demonstrations and giving bad PR for the government in power.

Maybe I am taking a VERY narrow-minded perspective in rejecting this government; after all, it has done SOME things that are working for us in the past ten years (hopefully!). And it is always easier to criticise that to constructively analyse, isn’t it? However, as a free Indian citizen, this is my perspective, my way of life and my opinion. This is what affects me more than anything else, what changes my world and how I feel about my surroundings. And I think it is the same inner consciousness, which has driven the smartphone-wielding, always online, Facebook-obsessed Gen Z to actually vote! Oh, the horror of it, had it been suggested 2-3 years ago! “Maiiiiinnn? Aur Vote? Mere vote se kya farak padta hai? Get lost, my friend-who-I-am-trying-to-make-my-girlfriend is pinging me…”

Maybe I was too young to notice the buzz in the last few general elections… Maybe the times were better then. But today, when we are about to make history, so to say, I am glad that I have been part of it. I am glad that I have woken up enough to at least discuss, if not act, and be aware, if not an active part of the politics that is a reality of the country.

Hope the results bring in change, whether in the form of a new government or in the form of a shaken-up old one. The enthusiasm I have seen in peers around me is certainly unprecedented. Let’s see if the result is as unprecedented.

Come on India, Dikha do.

Want to make the most of this precious life? You should probably do this

If you ask any Mumbaikar about an ideal life according to them, they would probably start off with an open and comfortable home, where they can live at ease with their family. Unlike what is the general perception, they would be happy with a moderate pay, albeit it meets all their daily requirements and financial commitments. Their job would be around 9 hours, with the office located a 15-minute drive away. When they come home, they would probably relax with a hot cup of coffee and a favourite book; maybe they will even go for a walk with their respective better halves and children. At the end of their day, they will sit together and narrate their day's experiences to the ones closest to them and go off to sleep, content with their lives and prepped for a similar day coming up.

That's the rosiest picture for most people who live in this mega city. And let me tell you, most would happily exchange their current routines for this sort of life. Because people living here have the EXACT OPPOSITE of everything that they aspire for. Homes are cramped; travel is more than 3 hours a day for most; money is never enough; office hours are never-ending; and most of all, there is NO time! Not for a family dinner, not for a book and certainly not for a leisurely stroll in a park. 

I may be wrong about this. But I am increasingly coming across people who are so busy in becoming financially secure and provide for their loved ones that the very life that they are trying to create passes them by. They are unable to spend time with the family that they are slogging away for. They barely have the energy to spend the money they are accumulating. And they are so involved in their daily struggle that the importance of relationships, love, joy, leisure is completely diminished.

And I am afraid that I will become one of them too. Afraid that one fine day, I will wake up and realise that I am well past the prime of my life, alienated or out of touch with my most beloved friends and family members due to the lack of time and attention. And without them, what is life anyway? With this fear, has also come a fierce determination. I will NOT let life pass me by, thinking that I will have time to enjoy with my husband later, that I will spend my money when I have enough, and that I will visit that place I have always wanted to see next year. I will grab every opportunity of doing what I want, how I want, with whom I want. Since the beginning of this year, somehow this realisation has dawned on me.

If you too are stuck in a similar situation, no matter in what part of the world, remember that the change in the situation needs to come from YOU! One small step at a time will do. But ensure that you make the most of NOW! Spend time with loved ones. Show them how much they mean to you. Create special memories with them. Spend your money as you like it (it truly gives you sense of freedom and more satisfaction than at the thought of having saved for your later years) And most of all, make the most of this precious life. You never know... The future that you spend so much time planning for, may be RIGHT NOW!